


Always Here

by LessAttitudeMoreAltitude



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Coping, Episode: s03e03 The Holocrons of Fate, Gen, Post-Episode: s02e21-22 Twilight of the Apprentice, Recovery, Star Wars Rebels: Steps Into Shadow, Trauma, fears of abandonment, mild description of illness, or lack thereof, pre-season 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-04-26 21:28:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14410914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LessAttitudeMoreAltitude/pseuds/LessAttitudeMoreAltitude
Summary: Two-shot: Hera and Kanan work to mend the wounds of Malachor.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so honestly, this is just a couple oneshots I wrote up for a prompt requesting parental fluff. In the end, these two chapters didn't really fit the prompt, but I still liked them. Hence, me posting them here :P
> 
> This first part is of Hera being motherly with Ezra. This ended up being pretty angsty, but there's comfort as well, so... *shrug*

The events on Malachor had thrown the Ghost crew into chaos.

At first, it was because Kanan was having one complication after another. It was bad enough when the medical droid confirmed that Kanan’s sight could never be restored. Then, only days later, he succumbed to a nasty infection that sent the whole crew into a frenzy. Chopper Base had almost no bacta or antibiotics left, and time had become of the essence.

When they got word of an Imperial shipment only a few systems away, Ezra was the first to volunteer for the mission. He and the others left with another pilot while Hera stayed behind to look after Kanan. His fever had become dangerously high, and she refused to leave him alone in his delirium.

“Ezra…” he mumbled, trying to sit up. “W-Where’s Ezra…?”

“Shh.” Hera gently pushed him back down. She dabbed his head with a cold cloth, careful not to get the bandage wet. “Ezra will be back soon.”

Kanan swallowed compulsively, his brow furrowed in confusion. “H-Hera?”

“Yes, love.” She pressed a hand against his chilled cheek. “I’m right here.”

He grabbed her arm, squeezing it painfully tight. “Where… W-Why can’t I see you? _Hera…_ ”

It was a rough week.

Thankfully, the others returned before the fever could do any permanent damage. As Kanan recovered, Hera only ever finished the bare minimum of her duties in order to spend as much time as she could with him. The thought of leaving him alone in the dark while he was still so weak set her on edge. She will forever be grateful for the others who took it upon themselves to pick up her slack.

But even three months after Malachor, when the infection was long gone and the saber wound healed, the chaos was still there. It had transformed into a quiet, almost hidden, sort of chaos, but it lingered there, just underneath the surface of everyone’s facades.

Kanan wasn’t getting better. Not really. He hardly left his cabin. The few times he did, it was always to mediate out toward the edge of the base, away from everyone else. He barely spoke more than a word or two to anybody but Hera, and even then, it was hardly anything more than frustratingly casual conversation. Regardless, Hera was determined to be there by his side whenever he might need her.

Then, one rare night where sleep came easily for Kanan but eluded her entirely, Hera walked into the galley to find Ezra sitting at the table. A mug of something hot was steaming beside him as he stared at a datapad, so absorbed in it that he didn’t even notice her walking in. Meanwhile, Hera was frozen in her spot, taken aback by the boy’s appearance. She knew he had cut his hair, but it wasn’t just that. His babyish features were gone. Even sitting down, it was obvious that he had grown taller, and his muscles were finally starting to fill in. When did that scrawny boy transform into this teenager? And how had she missed it?

Well, there was no use lingering on unanswerable questions. “Ezra?”

His head snapped up, his eyes wide for a moment before dulling at the sight of her. “Hera.” Then he frowned. “What are you doing up?”

“I could ask you the same thing.” She walked over to the counter to find a pot of caf half-full. “Working late?”

“I guess.” He took a sip from his mug before looking back down at the datapad.

After pouring her own mug, she took a seat at the other side of the table. “What are you working on?”

He glanced at her with a strange expression, but it was gone before Hera could figure out what it was. “Sato says there’s there’s going to be a kyber crystal shipment making a jump from the Ansion System to some unknown location. We need to work fast if we want to intercept and destroy it before we lose track of it.”

Hera raised an eyebrow in surprise. Apparently, she had missed a lot in the last couple months. She had no idea Sato was giving Ezra such important responsibilities. “And Sato wants you to lead the mission?”

He stiffened slightly. “I’m not leading it, just going along since… s-since I’m the only Jedi around…”

“Oh.” That made sense. Jedi could sense kyber crystals through the Force. And Ezra was the only Force sensitive around who was, well, mission ready.

Ezra’s grip tightened on the datapad. “I might even be able to find a crystal I can use,” he said, more to himself than to Hera. “I can’t be much of a fighter without a lightsaber…”

Hera let out a humorless chuckle. “Zeb and Sabine might disagree with you there.”

Ezra didn’t even smile. In fact, he made no indication that he had heard her at all. “You don’t have to worry. I…” He swallowed. “I can still earn my keep here.”

“ _What?_ ” Where in galaxy's name had _that_ come from? “Since when do you need to _earn_ your keep?!”

Ezra flinched at her - admittedly harsh - tone. “I’m not an idiot. After everything that happened…” He bit his lip, reconsidering his words. “Look, I know you probably regret ever inviting me on your ship, but I’m not useless! I’ve been practicing. I’m becoming more powerful every day. I can make up for what happened!”

Hera only managed to sputter before she finally translated her thoughts into coherent words. “Ezra Bridger, I have _never_ regretted bringing you onto this ship!” How could he even think that? Ezra was a part of her crew, Ezra was _family_.

Ezra looked pained as his face twisted into a frown. “You don’t need to lie for my sake…” The datapad forgotten, he crossed his arms across his chest and pointedly looked away. “You can’t even stand to be in the same room as me. Not that I blame you…”

“Ezra…” How could she have been so blind? She had been so caught up with Kanan, with the damage she  _could_ see, that she failed to see the scars Ezra had carried from the battle. “What happened on Malachor was _not_ your fault.”

“You don’t know that! You weren’t _there!_ Kanan tried to get us to leave, but I told him we should stay, I told him we could _trust_ Maul! He tried to warn me, tried to get me to _see_ …” He choked on that word, his eyes narrowing in pain. All at once, the anger seeped out of him and he deflated. “And now he’s shut me out,” he said, his voice cracking.

“Kanan doesn’t blame you, Ezra. He’s just… struggling.”

A derisive laugh bubbled out of him. “Yeah. Because of _me_.”

She couldn’t take it anymore. Hera stood and swung around the galley table, wrapping an arm around Ezra and pulling him into an embrace. “Stop, Ezra. Just… stop.”

Ezra’s body was stiff against hers, his arms still crossed across his chest, but he didn’t pull away. Hera just held him against her chest, his forehead resting in the curve between her neck and shoulder. His breathing was ragged as he tried to keep his tears at bay. “I’m sorry,” he eventually whispered.

“You have nothing to apologize for,” Hera murmured back, resting her cheek on the top of his head. “ _I’m_ sorry I haven’t been around. I never meant to make you feel abandoned.”

Ezra’s body shuddered at the word, and with an barely audible keen, Hera could feel a warm wetness on her shirt. All at once, she felt her guilt rise. It might have not been her intention, but she _had_ abandoned him. She had told herself that Zeb and Sabine were there for Ezra, convinced herself that he was doing alright. At least better than Kanan was. She had kriffed up. She was the captain and it was her responsibility to make sure  _everyone_ in the crew was okay. Ezra shouldn’t have had to carry this burden all on his own.

“Does… Does this mean you’re not going to kick me off the Ghost?”

His voice was wet with tears and so filled with hesitant hope - as if she might say _no -_  and it broke her heart. “I would _never_ kick you out, Ezra. You’re family, and family sticks together. You will _always_ have a place here. No matter what.”

There was nothing to say after that. The quickly cooling damp spot on her shoulder told Hera that Ezra had stopped crying. Soon after, Ezra pulled away, and Hera let him. She settled down in a crouch next to the table, keeping a hand on his shoulder. “We love you, Ezra. We always have.”

Ezra’s shoulders slumped. “I don’t think Kanan feels that way anymore.”

“Of course he does. He might not be in the best place right now, but he would do anything for you.”

Ezra cringed at that. “Yeah, well, I don’t want him to.”

Hera frowned, unsure what she should do. There was more at work here than she was capable of fully understanding. Her boys had a bond through the Force that connected them in a way no regular sentient could imagine. Even so, Hera knew Kanan didn’t blame Ezra. If anything, Kanan blamed himself for everything that had happened. Unfortunately, she doubted she could say anything that would convince Ezra of that.

Ezra picked up his datapad and stood. “There’s still a few more hours until sunrise. You should rest.”

Hera watched as he walked away. She felt like she was between an imploded star cluster and a black hole. She knew that Ezra had put up a wall for now. As much as she wanted to convince Ezra to rest, to forgive himself, to see that _no one blamed him_ , she knew that he wasn’t ready. That anything she said would be all too easily dismissed.

So reluctantly, she drank the rest of her caf and left. Not to sleep, but to get an early start on her duties for the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, a little on the angsty side, but I think realistically canon.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is basically a deeper look at Ezra's POV at the end of Steps Into Shadow and bits of Holocrons of Fate. Just focusing on the more Father/Son-esque scenes.

_What reason do they have to keep you around after what you did? Your master is blind, Ahsoka is_ _**dead** ,_ _because you were weak. Because you were foolish. Kanan's blocked you out, rejected you, and he has every right. You need to prove yourself If you want to keep them all safe, you’re going to have to become more powerful._

It was all Ezra could think about as they descended upon Reklam station. As they fought to free the Y-wings. But then, as everyone fled, as the station fell, as he watched as the  _Phantom_ was dislodged from the station to a fiery doom… Ezra began to realize that maybe power was overrated. Honestly, living was nice.

This was a disaster of his own making. He tried to do what he thought was necessary, he tried to follow the teachings of aggression and strength, and all it did was lead him _here_. On a station falling because of his overconfidence, after disobeying his superiors and sending his friends and allies away.

Ezra gripped the durasteel ledge, the atmospheric particles like a sandstorm against his skin as the station plummeted towards its destruction. He slammed his eyes shut and turned his head into his arm, protecting his face from the harsh winds (for all the good it would do in his final moments).

 _I’m sorry, Kanan… I’m sorry for everything_.

As if summoned from the void, Ezra suddenly heard a voice over the groaning durasteel and the roaring gales. “Ezra, I’m right here!”

His eyes snapped open. To his shock, the Ghost was hovering only a couple meters away from him. Kanan was leaning out of the airlock, his arm outstretched towards him. “Kanan?!” He couldn’t believe it. They were here. Kanan was _here_. He tried to reach out for him, but even as the Ghost inched closer, he couldn’t even get close. “I can’t reach you! It’s too far!”

He tried leaning his body out, but he lost his grip and, for a terrifying moment, his body drifted upwards away from Kanan. He grabbed back onto the ledge, the momentum flipping his body upwards away from the planet. He couldn’t do this. Hera was good, but even she wouldn’t be able to get the Ghost any closer without crashing it into the station.

“It’s okay! I’ve got you!”

Ezra looked up at Kanan, at the way his hand was shaking against the wind, the way his teeth were clenched in effort, that Force-forsaken mask… There was no way Ezra could make it. Kanan couldn’t see him. Ezra would drift past him, and Kanan would have no way of knowing.

“Go ahead: _Let_ _go_.”

It was an echo in his head, and Ezra realized that he could hear Kanan through the Force. No, not just through the Force, through their bond, and it was accompanied by an unnatural calm. For the first time in months, Ezra could actually sense his master, his mentor, the most important person in his life…

And Ezra let go.

The next few moments were a blur. He felt himself being carried upward by the punishing winds, his arms flailing in Kanan’s direction until he was suddenly _grabbed_ and yanked into the Ghost. Ezra collapsed to the ground, gasping for breath, as Kanan yelled into his comm, “Got him!” With a lurch, the Ghost pulled up just as an explosion outside shook the ship’s hull.

By the time Ezra got his bearings, Kanan gently grabbed Ezra by the arm and helped him stand. “Kanan,” Ezra practically blurted. “I-I’m sorry.”

“I’m not the one you need to apologize to.” Kanan started to walk out of the airlock. “Hera is not happy with you.”

No, that’s not… Well yes, he did owe Hera an apology and an explanation, but that’s not what he was trying to say. That’s not what he needed to say. But before Ezra could say anything, his master had already disappeared around the corner, presumably making his way to the cockpit. With little other choice, Ezra followed. By the time he got there, Kanan was sitting in the copilot’s chair and they were making their way back to the fleet. Ezra sat in Sabine’s usual seat. “Hera, I can explain everything…”

“Save it,” Hera barked.

Yeah… she definitely wasn’t happy.

As expected Hera ripped into him when they got back to Atollon. He had disobeyed orders and lost the _Phantom_. And he, reluctantly, accepted his demotion.

Once everything had calmed down, Ezra found himself at the edge of Chopper Base with Kanan. There, he thought he would finally able to apologize. To tell Kanan everything that had been festering in him these last six months. But he didn’t. He was a coward. Instead, he asked about the Sith holocron, craving it the way an addict craves his fix. To both his frustration and relief, Kanan just tells him that it was somewhere safe. Ezra wanted to ask for specifics but managed to hold his tongue. He was on thin ice as it was and didn’t want to push Kanan away when he had just come back into their lives.

However, a few days later, the issue was forced in the worst way imaginable. Maul was back, and he had the Ghost - had their _family -_  and he would kill them unless they gave up both the Sith and Jedi holocrons. The Jedi holocron was still on the Ghost, but the Sith holocron…

Ezra could only stare at this creature, Bendu _,_  in disbelief. It was enormous, it’s body layered with large scales that mimicked the environment here on Atollon. It’s head was reminiscent of a nerf with white piercing eyes and a great mane of orange hair. And it was strong in the Force. Ezra could practically feel the power rolling off of it. It was no wonder Kanan thought the holocron would be safe here.

“The object you seek is a source of imbalance between you and your teacher.” Bendu nodded in Ezra and Kanan’s direction respectively. “If you want it, you must seek it out with him.”

Ezra bristled uncomfortably. It wasn’t as if he wasn’t already acutely aware of how much damage this Sith holocron had caused. How much he had  _allowed_ it to cause. He didn’t need this creature - whatever it was - rubbing it in. “Where is it?”

Bendu turned his head toward the nearby krykna cave. “Somewhere safe.”

Of course it was in the karking spider caves. “Alright,” Ezra said, marching toward the cave entrance. “I’ll go, but I’m going alone.”

“The cave runs deep, with many twists and turns,” Bendu warned. “How can you be sure where it is now?”

Ezra didn’t respond, having had enough of this giant... _thing_. He was sure he would be able to sense it with the Force.

“... I hear something.” Kanan suddenly said.

“If you listen…” Bendu said. “... you can hear it.”

Ezra paused in his steps. He couldn’t hear anything. Shaking his head, he continued forward until he felt a slight tug on his belt. He looked back just in time to see his lightsaber fly into Kanan’s hand. “I’ll hold on to this.”

“Kanan! The spiders - !”

“Will attack as soon as you turn it on! Use your comlink instead. I’ll try to guide you from here.”

Ezra sighed in defeat. His master must have sensed that he couldn’t hear the holocron. “I’d rather have my lightsaber,” he mumbled, uncaring that he sounded like a petulant child. Pulling out his flashlight, he descended into the dark tunnels.

He was both surprised and not that Kanan could sense the structure of the tunnel system. He seemed to know every time Ezra came at a fork and would immediately know which direction he should go. Kanan’s sense in the Force really had improved since… Well, since they last trained together.

“ _Ezra, keep to the left._ ”

The teenager frowned. “Left?” The tunnel to the left was small and cragged. It didn’t seem like it would go far. “You sure about that?”

“ _Trust me_.”

His frown deepened. Maybe that tunnel led to the holocron, but Ezra doubted he would be able to make it that far. He started down the right tunnel instead. Kanan wasn’t perfect. Besides, it’s not like he could actually see…

 _That’s right. He_ **_can’t_ ** _see. And whose fault is that?_

Ezra paused, closing his eyes and taking in a calming breath. Blowing it out slowly, he opened his eyes and continued onward. Such thoughts weren’t going to help him down here.

He was about to round a corner when a familiar _hiss_ rang out. Ezra was barely able to react when a spider crawled out toward him. With a sharp gasp, he tried to turn and run only to run straight into another crawler which swiped at him with one of its legs. The hard shell cracked against his flashlight, making it flicker.

_"Wh-’s h-pen-ng?”_

The com suddenly went out, along with his flashlight. In the utter darkness, Ezra had to rely on pure instinct, jumping to the side knowing he was barley avoiding the spider’s durasteel tough legs. The hissing seemed to come from all directions, the aggressive tapping of their legs against the rocky ground echoing all around him. In the corner of his eye, he saw a glimpse of blue light. It wasn’t much but it was better than nothing.

He ducked and rolled between the spider’s legs, stumbling as he made his way to the light. Now he could barely make out the outlines of these monsters. He scrambled backwards away from the closest one before he managed to get to his feet. There was almost nowhere for him to go, blocked on all sides by the krykna.

“Ezra, jump!”

Kanan was reaching down from an opening above him. Ezra didn’t have time to wonder how Kanan found him. He jumped and grabbed Kanan's arm just as the krykna began to descend upon him. Kanan yanked him up out of the spiders’ reach. This cave had more light, and he could see Kanan, now maskless. His eyes were closed, but that horrible scar was just _there_ , a dark and jagged mar across his otherwise tan skin.

 **_You_ ** _did that to him..._

Ezra shoved the thought away. “What are you _doing_ in here?” He would have been fine. There was no reason for Kanan to have had to try and find his way through these caves all on his own.

“Getting you back on track,” Kanan said, helping Ezra stand.

There was a hiss, and Ezra wheeled around to see yet another spider. He held out an arm to push Kanan back, but then there was a warm hand on his shoulder, keeping him calm. He looked up and saw Kanan reach forward with his other hand, looking calm. A moment later, the spider stopped hissing and backed away from them.

Ezra just stared in disbelief as Kanan walked past. “How did you do that? _I_ can’t even do that!”

“Well, I’ve been forced to see things differently since Malachor.”

The words were an emotional punch to the gut. Ezra crossed his arms across his chest with a slight frown as he watched Kanan walk deeper into the maze. He had a hand out in front of him, probably scanning the uneven cave floor with the Force to avoid tripping. Ezra hunched his shoulders and kept his gaze downward as he followed. His normally well suppressed guilt and remorse were rising up in him, insisting he finally apologize properly to his master. If Kanan was going to give up on him as a padawan, he might as well get it over with sooner rather than later.

“About what happened…” Ezra still had his eyes plastered to the ground, but he heard Kanan’s footsteps stop. _Just say it. Just get it out and_ **_say it_** _, you coward_. “I-I’m sorry for it. For everything, Kanan.”

Almost instantly, there was a warm and familiar hand on his shoulder. “It wasn’t your fault.”

Ezra cringed. That wasn’t true. If he hadn’t been so insistent on working with Maul, they would have never stayed on Malachor. If he hadn’t been so selfish in going after the Temple’s secrets instead of helping Kanan and Ahsoka, instead of letting _Maul_ help Kanan and Ahsoka…!

A shoulder squeeze interrupted his thoughts, and a warm rush of _comfortsafelove_ flooded him. Ezra’s eyes pricked with tears as he realized it was Kanan. It had just been so long…

“I never blamed you, Ezra.”

He curled in just a little tighter on himself. He wanted to believe that. More than anything, he wanted to believe his master didn’t hate him.

“It’s time for you to forgive yourself.”

Finally, Ezra looked up at Kanan. An opening in the ceiling let in the moonlight, and Ezra could see him clearly. His eyes were open, their milky white orbs pointed directly at him. There was no trace of the blame, hate, or resentment that Ezra had feared. All he could see was a hint of a reassuring smile, a promise that his words were true.

And Ezra smiled back. “Yes, Master.”

Then, in a moment of solace, he threw himself at Kanan and held him tightly. His master stiffened in surprise, but then wrapped his arms around Ezra and held him close. “I’m here. I’ll always be here,” Kanan mumbled into his hair, patting him on the back.

The battle wasn’t over. They still had to save their family and deal with the fallout of giving Maul both holocrons. But knowing his master was at his side no matter what, Ezra felt more at peace than he had in months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There it is: my two random oneshots. Hope you enjoyed them. Leave a review and let me know what you thought :)


End file.
